I almost died...

Before you start reading this specific post, please understand that I have no intentions of giving the ideas to anyone. This is an attempt to make you think once before taking any such step. Talk to someone... whatever the problem be.

Once in a lifetime, each one of us (I can bet on it) must have thought of dying. Dying not because the accountant Mr. Chitragupta saw that my balance of breath is zero in his account and he tells Mr. Yamaraj to bring me right up there (heaven or hell , how do I know?  I have never taken a look at my karma) and dont distract me, I am talking something important here. So yes! Dying because, I am fed up of my life..

And I decided to commit the punishable sin.... Yes! SUICIDE.

Why? Are you thinking so..?

I have my own reasons. May be , my gf/ bf issue ( trust me its very serious. I give a damn what my parents did for me all these years. Dil toota hai yaar!). 

May be coz I failed badly in my semester. Arre! Aise kya dekh rahe ho...lakh of students die every year in India. To hell with Thomas Alva Edison, who failed 10000 times and yet tried. On a second thought, agar usne bulb nahi banaya hota toh aaj shayad mujhe padhna hee nahi padhta... I would have had a great excuse. No light Maa!  But anyway, I have a valid reason to kill myself.

Take one!

But the question now is how to do that? Ting tong!! The bell rang and you have to wait......

My maid has come. Beta! Rajjo ko phenyl de dena. ( my mom shouting from her room). And idea popped in my mind. Yes you are right. To have a long sip of phenyl and die forever. Naaa! It smells just yukky..forget about having it. Moreover if it is not pure, I simply end up with infected stomach in hospital. So idea dropped. I have to think of a new convenient way.

Take two!

May be, fan can help me...I have seen in movies and serials...90% of suicides are done this way. Shall I try??

And I end up in my messy almirah of clothes and felt so pathetic. Not a single dupatta to hang with. Why? Dont try to figure out my gender. Irrespective of the fact whether I am a girl or a boy, my preference as a girl would have never have been a suit that too with dupatta. Next time I am going to shop , I will buy few colourful ones.  I can use them as stylish scarves may be. Oh my god! What am I doing? Thinking of shopping, that too when I have the world most serious reason to suicide. ..

Take 3

Sleeping pills...

Phenyl can weaken my body, hanging can be painful so the third most viable option is to have sleeping pills. I have to get them from the chemist. He will ask hundred questions..why do you need? Where is the prescription? You should not take these at this age. Blah blah! I never understood the other people's concern for my life. May be they have no work. 

Now what.. Whats my way out? I never thought killing oneself is such an uphill task. Oh god! Show me the way...

Ting tong!! And here goes the bell again. My dad..who works day and night for us. I got him water and he smiled with a thank you. Aaja beta! Tere liye golgappe aur chaat laya hoon. 

Mummy ko bhi bula le.

I took the packet and went to kitchen wondering if my parents even have an inkling about what my plans are?

Did I tried sharing my problem with them once? Did I even thought what will happen to them seeing my dead tissues lying on the floor? One thing I was sure of.. whatever I may be, ( nalayak, nikammi/a, awaara....lazy and many more adjectives )  they will never like to lose me this way.  

Beta! Kya kar rahe ho... Jaldi se le aayo.

And my thought process is broken by this melodious voice of Mom. 

To hell with suicide....

I will rather have thousands of golgappas with my parents and look for a way out to my problems. 

And here I am, in this first hand..sorry second hand account sharing with you my inner thoughts.  Do buy some moments before taking any strong step like this..My bulb lighted over golgappas... 

Yes! I did speak to the counselor the very next day and today I am working happily and enjoying my life. Life has its own struggle but I have people to lean on coz I made a wise decision of talking to someone.