(Picture contribution by Ms. Urvee Agarwal)
“The thing women have yet to learn
is nobody gives you power. You just take it.” Roseanne Barr
Pondering
over this quote again and again, I went into a deep thinking mode to find out
what is “missing element” that even
after thousands of years, the women are weaker sex, subjected to violence and
in some part of the world are even unwelcomed. Who is the real culprit? Have we
been denying the change that is due to us for long? “Man the Hunter and Woman the Gatherer”, this
theory has been fed to all the females time and again. And what did we gather?
Abuse, Violence, Rapes, human trafficking, sex slavery, homelessness, low wages
and the list is endless. Are we really not capable of empowering ourselves? Or
we need to have a divergent take on how to tackle these issues? Let’s see if
the following changes make some sense for us:
Unlearn
and Relearn
In the
typical Indian family setting, a girl is supposed to cook, mop, help siblings
and study (if at all) simultaneously, irrespective of her age. As a sister, she
might like taking care of her brother because it has been told to her that “Men
are the earners and need special care”. A simple act of giving more butter to
the son than to a daughter during breakfast by a well-educated mother is the
potential sign of gender bias. A couple comes to home after the job and
mother-in-law offers water to her son and daughter-in-law is expected to make
tea and dinner, of course no water is offered to her. If we are the weaker sex,
we need more pampering and care and not otherwise. These are the few unnoticed,
insignificant and may be meaningless instances of how we as mothers, daughters
and sisters are conditioned to follow the unsaid, the untaught rules. I am not talking here about the very obvious
“pink & blue”, “dolls & cars” stereotypes. What if we just unlearn
everything and then take greater care in eliminating all these prejudices? It
has to begin now and without any guilt, if we are looking for a better world
for us.
Power
Dynamics
During my
growing up years, I overheard (I was just 12 then…) the tête-à-tête happening
during one of the kitty party at my friend’s place. The women were bitching about
one of their contemporaries that she is the “Man of the house”, is very
dominant and then it led to the post mortem of how their kids are not in
control, because the husband has no say in the family and he is “Joru ka
Ghulam”. Since, I knew the family well, it seemed perfectly fine to me that the
children are independent thinkers, work equally at home and do have an equal
say in the family. Does it really matter that who is the decision maker? And to validate my point that power with
women is advantageous, here are few well researched latest facts:
- When women are empowered to have more influence over economic decisions, their families allocate more income to food, health, education, children’s clothing and children’s nutrition. (FAO, 2011)
- The World Bank found that states in India with the highest percentage of women in the labor force over the past five years grew the fastest and had the largest reductions in poverty. (World Bank)
- If women had the same access to productive resources as men, they could increase yields on their farms by 20 to 30 percent. This could reduce the number of hungry people worldwide by up to 17 percent. (FAO)
Say Yes to
Neutrarchy
Anthorpologist Marvin Harris (1977) proposed that because most men are stronger than most women and survival in tribal groups required hand-to-hand combat, men became the warriors and women became the reward that enticed men to risk their lives in battle. The origin of patriarchy is not of my interest here and I ma not keen to propose matriarchy either in the society. We don't need reservations or special privileges at any level or age. Just give us equal opportunity.
My simple mathematics of co-existence is "Neutrarchy" where both men and women have equal existence, equal rights, equal pay and equal say with no biases. Though it might look like a far-fetched dream, but it's worth giving a thought and we must start now.
A
Conscious Effort
During one
of my sessions with adolescents on girl empowerment, one of the girls asked a
question that why it is that I have to inform my parents about my whereabouts
every time I am out of the house and not my brother, who is younger to me. My
mother is constantly tracking me through my mobile and if I rebel, my all
freedom is taken away. Imagine the
girl’s frustration and his brother’s feeling of dominance. As an educated
parents, are we conscious of the fact that unknowingly, we are responsible for
creating this gender divide? What if we sit and openly discuss and debate about
all the pre-set rules and challenge them if those are obsolete. Safety or job
or career are of paramount importance for both males and females in today’s
time. Hence the need is to nurture our children in such a way that they learn
to respect each other and co-exist rather than racing with each other to prove
their supremacy.
Empowering
from within will make some sense only if we reflect on our thoughts, biases and
opinions and challenge them to create a better world for us. The choice is
always ours!
Disclaimer: All the
above mentioned fancy notions and ideas (except the stolen research facts) are
solely mine and has been woven by the mostly dormant twin part of my Gemini
trait. If you agree to my idiosyncrasies, you will be empowered or else you may
still enjoy the “chivalry” of the men surrounding you.
