Empowering From Within: A different perspective

                           (Picture contribution by Ms. Urvee Agarwal)

“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.”                            Roseanne Barr

Pondering over this quote again and again, I went into a deep thinking mode to find out what is  “missing element” that even after thousands of years, the women are weaker sex, subjected to violence and in some part of the world are even unwelcomed. Who is the real culprit? Have we been denying the change that is due to us for long?  “Man the Hunter and Woman the Gatherer”, this theory has been fed to all the females time and again. And what did we gather? Abuse, Violence, Rapes, human trafficking, sex slavery, homelessness, low wages and the list is endless. Are we really not capable of empowering ourselves? Or we need to have a divergent take on how to tackle these issues? Let’s see if the following changes make some sense for us:

Unlearn and Relearn

In the typical Indian family setting, a girl is supposed to cook, mop, help siblings and study (if at all) simultaneously, irrespective of her age. As a sister, she might like taking care of her brother because it has been told to her that “Men are the earners and need special care”. A simple act of giving more butter to the son than to a daughter during breakfast by a well-educated mother is the potential sign of gender bias. A couple comes to home after the job and mother-in-law offers water to her son and daughter-in-law is expected to make tea and dinner, of course no water is offered to her. If we are the weaker sex, we need more pampering and care and not otherwise. These are the few unnoticed, insignificant and may be meaningless instances of how we as mothers, daughters and sisters are conditioned to follow the unsaid, the untaught rules.  I am not talking here about the very obvious “pink & blue”, “dolls & cars” stereotypes. What if we just unlearn everything and then take greater care in eliminating all these prejudices? It has to begin now and without any guilt, if we are looking for a better world for us.

Power Dynamics

During my growing up years, I overheard (I was just 12 then…) the tête-à-tête happening during one of the kitty party at my friend’s place. The women were bitching about one of their contemporaries that she is the “Man of the house”, is very dominant and then it led to the post mortem of how their kids are not in control, because the husband has no say in the family and he is “Joru ka Ghulam”. Since, I knew the family well, it seemed perfectly fine to me that the children are independent thinkers, work equally at home and do have an equal say in the family. Does it really matter that who is the decision maker?  And to validate my point that power with women is advantageous, here are few well researched latest facts:

• When women are empowered to have more influence over economic decisions, their families allocate more income to food, health, education, children’s clothing and children’s nutrition. (FAO, 2011)
• The World Bank found that states in India with the highest percentage of women in the labor force over the past five years grew the fastest and had the largest reductions in poverty. (World Bank)
• If women had the same access to productive resources as men, they could increase yields on their farms by 20 to 30 percent. This could reduce the number of hungry people worldwide by up to 17 percent. (FAO)

Say Yes to Neutrarchy

Anthorpologist Marvin Harris (1977) proposed that because most men are stronger than most women and survival in tribal groups required hand-to-hand combat, men became the warriors and women became the reward that enticed men to risk their lives in battle. The origin of patriarchy is not of my interest here and I ma not keen to propose matriarchy either in the society. We don't need reservations or special privileges at any level or age. Just give us equal opportunity.

My simple mathematics of co-existence is "Neutrarchy" where both men and women have equal existence, equal rights, equal pay and equal say with no biases. Though it might look like a far-fetched dream, but it's worth giving a thought and we must start now.

A Conscious Effort

During one of my sessions with adolescents on girl empowerment, one of the girls asked a question that why it is that I have to inform my parents about my whereabouts every time I am out of the house and not my brother, who is younger to me. My mother is constantly tracking me through my mobile and if I rebel, my all freedom is taken away.  Imagine the girl’s frustration and his brother’s feeling of dominance. As an educated parents, are we conscious of the fact that unknowingly, we are responsible for creating this gender divide? What if we sit and openly discuss and debate about all the pre-set rules and challenge them if those are obsolete. Safety or job or career are of paramount importance for both males and females in today’s time. Hence the need is to nurture our children in such a way that they learn to respect each other and co-exist rather than racing with each other to prove their supremacy.

Empowering from within will make some sense only if we reflect on our thoughts, biases and opinions and challenge them to create a better world for us. The choice is always ours!

Disclaimer: All the above mentioned fancy notions and ideas (except the stolen research facts) are solely mine and has been woven by the mostly dormant twin part of my Gemini trait. If you agree to my idiosyncrasies, you will be empowered or else you may still enjoy the “chivalry” of the men surrounding you.

Make In India... start now

“India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grandmother of tradition. Our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.”

This quote of Mark Twain made somewhere in 18th-century stands tall and true even today. The need is to just take a deeper look into the treasure in abundance here:

ORIGINAL SCRIPTURES

The Vedas and the Upanishads are the most indestructible gems that we possess and if deciphered accurately, there are chances of us shining again with spotless perfection for centuries to come. The need here is to decode the literature as it explains every topic on earth from art and literature to the origin of the universe to medical and surgical advancement. The oneness of the universe and humanity are all described well in the scriptures. The western philosophers have got influenced by these scriptures and always have mentioned in their journals and writings. Surprisingly, we as Indians may have ignored this treasure but the west has not left a chance in taking the advantage of it. Need I say more  about one reason to learn Sanskrit!

STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics)

The progress and our contribution to the world in the fields of STEM are the least celebrated and remain unknown to the common man. Starting from the recent mission to Mars, our Mangalyaan has created a historical feat as one of the most low cost yet highly functioning spacecraft till date and we being the only nation to reach Mars orbit in its first attempt. The invention of the first tablet “Aakash”, The first in India and the world’s second IVF baby by Subhash Mukhopadhyay, the invention of fibre optics, Narinder Singh Kapany,  led to revolution in fields like communications, lasers, solar energy, Biomedical instrumentation, pollution monitoring etc. Our presence in the team of Higg’s Boson Particle discovery and the first Indian-origin winner of the most coveted Fields Medal in Mathematics gives us enough evidences to believe in our capabilities and progress further to be the super power in future.

CULTURE AND TOURISM

The magnificence of Indian culture lies in the enormous variety of customs followed, art and literature, cuisines, dance and music that can be seen as one travels from the North to South or East to West. The presence of gastronomic delights, curries and sweets, rich heritage, colourful festivals, golden deserts, vibrant markets of handicraft, beaches and backwaters, all has attracted millions of tourists’ inspite of the negative image created by foreign media. And this trend is going to rise high as our country has now put itself on the global map as one of the rising economies.

SPIRITUALISM

The art of yoga and Ayurveda were introduced by us to the world and then came the spirituality. The capitalism and the materialistic lifestyle of the west created the imbalance in their life and in the quest of inner peace; they all thronged to the Indian way of spiritualism that believes in co-existence. The mystical charm of ours has taught the world to be compassionate and loving being. The world leaders like Nelson Mandela, Dalai Lama and others have always mentioned the inspiration they draw from our country.

ABUNDANCE OF HUMAN RESOURCES

While most of us see the growing population of our country as a huge threat to prosperity, it can be seen as an exciting opportunity as we are one of the emerging economies of the world. The recent mergers and acquisitions and outsourcing facilities are paving the way for a bright future for all of us. It is expected that India will add around 250 million to its labour pool at the rate of about 18 million per year by 2020 to the world. What all we need is to train our workforce well and take the benefits of being the youngest population.

THE UNBROACHED COASTLINE

With around 7500 km of coastline available to us, it is an untapped resource of power and energy. It is actually the Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ) which can be explored for extracting fishes, minerals, gas, oil etc. In addition to this the beaches can be developed into a goldmine of tourism. The natural variance of seaweeds also opens up the research opportunities for industrial and medical purposes.

The idea is to go local and yet global in our approach by training the human resources in R & D in the field of oceanography.  From solar to wind to hydrological energy, the potential along the sea line is so huge that all our domestic power needs can easily be met through these renewable sources alone. The only step required from our government is a regime of the public-private partnership with targets to be met within a stipulated time of a decade or so. Gujarat is one live example of what we can achieve by utilizing the water resources.

“Each state of India is full of unutilized resources that are waiting to be exploited. Thus, we must admire the uniqueness of ours.”

From An Office Boy To A Web Developer

It seemed like just another day at the office of Shaadi.com, Mumbai, when 26-year-old Raju Yadav walked in confidently and seated himself amongst the web developers. Yadav has been working here for the past one decade. However, this day was different because instead of serving tea and running errands as an office boy, he would be coding for the web team. 

An entry-level job might not fancy a lot of people, but for Raju, who was a 6th grade drop out, this is no less than a dream come true.   

Raju was 13 when he first came to Mumbai from a small village in Jharkhand with nothing but hope and determination to make it big in the City of Dreams.

Life took him through several ups and downs, but Raju bounced back stronger every time and pushed himself to do better. Despite not being able to continue his studies as a child, he learnt that education was the only thing that could get him to happily sail through life. With support from his generous colleagues, he passed his 10th standard exams with 61% marks and later also managed to complete 12th standard.

 

Raju would often stay back at work and learn web developing for an hour or two. And when the right time came, he applied for vacancies for web developers at the office and got through! 

Not just that, Raju wants to continue studying and has enrolled for graduation at Mumbai University. He also wants to make sure that his son and wife don't have to go through the struggle that he had to.   

Sharing is not Instinctive!

How often do you share a post on facebook, Linkedin, email and umpteen other social media platforms? Have you ever that it's pretty easy for some but few of us may even struggle in doing just a little thing like clicking a "share" button on our webpage? Why? Let's find out!

Mona was affronted by her two and a half-year-old daughter's behaviour when she took her to play with a friend's child. She says, "Initially, the two children were just playing parallel without really interacting. Then my friend's daughter began to play with my daughter's toy car and all hell broke loose. My daughter started screaming till she was red in the face. Then there was a tug-of-war between the two children for the toy and I just didn't know what to do. And as if this was not enough, my daughter insisted on taking one of the fancy dolls of friend’s daughter when we went home."

Has it happened to you as a parent? These incidents leave us wondering at the child’s selfishness and entertain doubts if they will grow out of this type of behaviour. We as parents have a tendency to evaluate children's behaviour from a patronizing adult viewpoint. However, if we questioned our own parents we are bound to find similar selfish incidents in our own past. 
 
 

Sharing is not instinctive

Remember! There is no magic wand to develop this value as the children are not born with an innate sharing instinct. There is no specific age when children magically become unselfish and willing to share. Sharing is something that develops with maturity and every child matures at his or her own pace. However, the right environmental influences can give them a push in the right direction. Children learn to share more quickly in a household where adults give and take and exhibit cooperative behaviour. Some children take longer to share than others because they have the kind of temperament that is resistant to change. 

Though I am not an expert too but here are some cool tips on teaching your child to share

• Do not label and discuss your child for his/her selfish behavior with your relatives/friends.

• Learning by imitation is the proven mantra at this stage. Make it a point to highlight when you are sharing with others and appreciate each other for even a small sharing.
• Accept the fact that there are some things that your child will just not be willing to share. In such a case, when you invite other children over to play, help him/her identify those toys that fall into the 'hands off' category and put them away before the other children arrive. In this way, you can pre-empt skirmishes over toys.

• Your child must be aware that just as s/he is possessive about his/her things, s/he must learn to respect other's possessions too.

• Lay down some ground rules at the start. For instance, tell him/her that s/he will only be allowed to invite other children over if s/he shares her/his toys. Or, you can tell that s/he will have to share the new video game with his/her brother or forfeit playing with it at all.

• Create situations at home where your child will have no alternative but to share. For instance, if another child has come over give them one set of crayons between the two of them.

• If your child is having a hard time sharing, you may need to supervise her playtime and encourage him/her to share not as a “helicoptering” parent but very discreetly.

• Praise your child every time she shares or makes an unselfish gesture.

Last but not the least, you share your time with your child today, he/she will do the same in future. After all it’s a matter of give and take. Happy Sharing and if this helped, please share your sweet-little experiences with us.

Flaunting your flaws...

What is your greatest strength? Time management, multi-tasking, focussed approach so on and so forth.  Easy to answer? And what about your

 weakness?  And most of us go numb. What to answer and how to answer? The most common question asked during the interviews. What do you think interviewer is looking for by asking these questions?

You guessed it right... it is to see your confidence, your smartness and above all self- actualization. Self- awareness is the first step towards growth and the better you know yourself, better you will be able to perform in any arena of life.

How best to flaunt your flaws? The simple way is to learn from this video.

Remember! We are not perfect and can never be. The best we can do is to identify our flaws and present it or rather use it in such a way that it becomes a strength. Need I say more.... :)

Ek Nanha Sapna

खिलोनो की दुकान से दूर हाथों मे

कुछ सिक्के गिनते मैने उसे देखा,

एक अनाथ बचे की आँखों मे

मैने बचपन को मरते देखा

थी चाह उसे भी नये कपड़े पहनने की

पर उन्ही पुराने कपड़ो को मैने उसे सॉफ करते देखा

तुमने देखा कभी चाँद पे बैठा पानी

मैने उसके रुखसार पे बैठे देखा .

हम करते हैं सदा अपने गमो की नुमाइश

उसे मैने गमो मे मुस्कुराते देखा

नही थे मा बाप उसके

उसे मा का प्यार ओर पिता के हाथों की कमी महसूस करते देखा.

जब किसी ने पूछा “बचे क्या चाहिए तुम्हे”

तो उसे चुप छाप मुस्कुरकर ना मे सर हिलाते देखा

थी वो उमर बहोत छोटी अभी

पर उसके अंदर मैने ज़मीर को पलते देखा

रात को सारे शहर की चमक मे

मैने उसे हस्ते हुए बेबस चेरे को देखा

उड़ते हुए हवाई जहाज़ो मे

मैने उसके एक सपने को पलते देखा

कोई मनाता है जशन

कोई रहता है तरसता

मैने वो देखा जो किसी ने नही देखा

अपने जैसे कुछ ओर बच्चो मे

मैने उसे ज़िंदगी जीते देखा

जम्मू की उन राहों मे

मैने उसे बिना दिल के शान से जीते देखा

शान से जीते देखा

Exams da Siyaapa

Yeah! We know. We need to elaborate the title first to get all of you aligned to what this blog post is all about because no sensible dictionary defines it for you. At the most if you search our dear "Google Baba" (that's how we call google search engine), it will tell you about a movie called "Total Siyaapa". Maanoge toh hai nahi... go and verify first. Yeh aajkal ki generation bhi naa....

Here is what it means:
"Siyaapa" is a punjabi word which means BIG TROUBLE. Ab baji dimaag ki ghanti?
Right! Today, we are going to talk about this big trouble of examinations, a process that never seems to cease, an ache that is severe than may be the break up one. Come February of every year and the fear, worries, stress and distress, all starts together. As if our own worries as student are not good enough, parents, teachers, our so called well wishers,everyone on this earth is ready with handy tips (read them as threats, consequences of failing, withdrawal of all luxuries like mobile, tv, parties etc) to ensure that we clear through this trouble. They are actually not wrong because afterall it would be a bonus and award for them if you pass with flying colours. Anyway, let's come to your plight. I agree that whatever we are about to write is nothing but common sense which you have been bestowed upon by many of elders, years after years. But this time, if we may request, please read it once and try. Why am I saying this?
Because as a holistic human being with abundance of common sense, we still litter our neighbourhood and roads, we still show road rage as and when given a chance, we still believe nothing will change if I do it 'cause others are not contributing. So keep this so called common sense aside and do try the following to win over exam anxiety this time.
The test anxiety could be psychological or physical.
The psychological signs include mental black out, difficulty in concentration, racing thoughts or sometime negative thoughts, knowing the answers before the exam but forgetting them during it etc.
The physical symptoms include nausea, cramps, sweating, increased breathing rate, tense muscles etc.
If you can identify with any of these signs, do read the full post. Since, exams evaluate your performance. You can enhance your performance with the following methods:
1. What's your style?- Firstly, identify your learning style. Each one of us have a specific style like some can learn using diagrams and pictures, few can learn by listening and others can learn by reading out loud. Whichever way you are comfortable, follow it.
2. Strategise your studies- As you are left with a month or little more to prepare, it is better to learn less but thoroughly. Check the weightage of each chapter subjectwise and strategise accordingly.
3. Knitting the notes- Note making is an art and science too. If you are adept at it, its time to weave them to make sense for you during final revision.
4. Pick the peak- As per our energy level there is a time during the day when we learn the best. It does not matter what time of the day or night it is. Always study at this time and you will observe that learning gets better.
5. Health is important- A healthy diet and light exercise is what you must follow religiously everyday. Reduce intake of artificial sugar and have natural ones like fruits. Make breakfast your new buddy to study well and eat at regular intervals rather than three big meals.
6. Be positive- Forget about your past performance and think about how you can achieve better.
Remember! The day you decide is the day you win in life......

It's Your road...

People talk about ambitions, passions, future plans and careers all the time knowingly or unknowingly. What actually a career is?  Is it a systematically planned process or a destination achieved by hit and trial?  Or a mission that is achieved by the numerous advices and consultations with the parents, relatives, uncles and aunts who are well placed and can boast about all their struggle and hardships?

Is there any truth in the statement that "occupation" is a legacy that can be or rather should be passed on from generation to generation? Why engineer's family has to produce more engineers and same with the doctors too? 

Are we trying to produce socially conditioned people? Well! Its been many years for me and I am still exploring. I have met parents who are flexible enough to give wings to their child’s dream or an IITian parent who inspite of knowing the learning disabilities of his child pushes him to take science and be an engineer or a little more smart parent who carefully trained their child to be disciplined enough (so that he never disobeys them) and chart his each and every activity on the Microsoft excel sheet (Yes! That was the sole reason for them to learn how to create a time table for him and track any swaying). Oh My God! Yes, that was the expression by me too when I listened to their so well planned “career planning”.

From a not so educated parent to extremely well educated one, I agree that each of them are the well wishers and would never like to be a hindrance to their child’s growth but give them an opportunity to atleast figure themselves out. What is their dream and passion? Are they realistic about it? Is it a passion that can be turned into a profession?

For all the teenagers:

Give a thought to the following:

Is it your passion or a dream you nurtured right from your childhood? There have been examples where people have risen above all odds. They may have never been to school, never taken any degree but excelled because of their sheer passion for that "one thing". But passion alone is not that factor which will lead to success in life. With passion you also need hard work and perfection to reach to your goal. Are you ready for it?

Choosing a stream is just the first step to pursue your dream. Except India, every country gives you this flexibility to get what you want with your abilities, interest, skills and finances.

Liberal arts is the way to go. In future, each one of us would require to understand the social thread to succeed. It will not be Social Science, Commerce or Sciences but “Human Sciences” which will be learnt. So, gear up! 

I almost died...

Before you start reading this specific post, please understand that I have no intentions of giving the ideas to anyone. This is an attempt to make you think once before taking any such step. Talk to someone... whatever the problem be.

Once in a lifetime, each one of us (I can bet on it) must have thought of dying. Dying not because the accountant Mr. Chitragupta saw that my balance of breath is zero in his account and he tells Mr. Yamaraj to bring me right up there (heaven or hell , how do I know?  I have never taken a look at my karma) and dont distract me, I am talking something important here. So yes! Dying because, I am fed up of my life..

And I decided to commit the punishable sin.... Yes! SUICIDE.

Why? Are you thinking so..?

I have my own reasons. May be , my gf/ bf issue ( trust me its very serious. I give a damn what my parents did for me all these years. Dil toota hai yaar!). 

May be coz I failed badly in my semester. Arre! Aise kya dekh rahe ho...lakh of students die every year in India. To hell with Thomas Alva Edison, who failed 10000 times and yet tried. On a second thought, agar usne bulb nahi banaya hota toh aaj shayad mujhe padhna hee nahi padhta... I would have had a great excuse. No light Maa!  But anyway, I have a valid reason to kill myself.

Take one!

But the question now is how to do that? Ting tong!! The bell rang and you have to wait......

My maid has come. Beta! Rajjo ko phenyl de dena. ( my mom shouting from her room). And idea popped in my mind. Yes you are right. To have a long sip of phenyl and die forever. Naaa! It smells just yukky..forget about having it. Moreover if it is not pure, I simply end up with infected stomach in hospital. So idea dropped. I have to think of a new convenient way.

Take two!

May be, fan can help me...I have seen in movies and serials...90% of suicides are done this way. Shall I try??

And I end up in my messy almirah of clothes and felt so pathetic. Not a single dupatta to hang with. Why? Dont try to figure out my gender. Irrespective of the fact whether I am a girl or a boy, my preference as a girl would have never have been a suit that too with dupatta. Next time I am going to shop , I will buy few colourful ones.  I can use them as stylish scarves may be. Oh my god! What am I doing? Thinking of shopping, that too when I have the world most serious reason to suicide. ..

Take 3

Sleeping pills...

Phenyl can weaken my body, hanging can be painful so the third most viable option is to have sleeping pills. I have to get them from the chemist. He will ask hundred questions..why do you need? Where is the prescription? You should not take these at this age. Blah blah! I never understood the other people's concern for my life. May be they have no work. 

Now what.. Whats my way out? I never thought killing oneself is such an uphill task. Oh god! Show me the way...

Ting tong!! And here goes the bell again. My dad..who works day and night for us. I got him water and he smiled with a thank you. Aaja beta! Tere liye golgappe aur chaat laya hoon. 

Mummy ko bhi bula le.

I took the packet and went to kitchen wondering if my parents even have an inkling about what my plans are?

Did I tried sharing my problem with them once? Did I even thought what will happen to them seeing my dead tissues lying on the floor? One thing I was sure of.. whatever I may be, ( nalayak, nikammi/a, awaara....lazy and many more adjectives )  they will never like to lose me this way.  

Beta! Kya kar rahe ho... Jaldi se le aayo.

And my thought process is broken by this melodious voice of Mom. 

To hell with suicide....

I will rather have thousands of golgappas with my parents and look for a way out to my problems. 

And here I am, in this first hand..sorry second hand account sharing with you my inner thoughts.  Do buy some moments before taking any strong step like this..My bulb lighted over golgappas... 

Yes! I did speak to the counselor the very next day and today I am working happily and enjoying my life. Life has its own struggle but I have people to lean on coz I made a wise decision of talking to someone.

Imitate to feel Joy!

 While imitation can be called the best form of flattery, for the newborns and toddlers it is their first way to learn and use their five senses to the fullest. Visualize those hundreds of videos flashing on social networking sites. The moment you see them, you forget all your worries and stress and a big warm smile adorns our face. A great relaxation technique in disguise. But as we grow, our smiles fade away with numerous reason and excuses for that. This specific post is to emphasize the need of being you. Look at the picture here!

Our Brand Ambassadors!

Is there a kid alive in you today also? Ask this question to yourself everyday because you must keep him alive in you to feel the joy and love around you. For a moment, forget your age, position, status and just be yourself. That little kid who wanted to fly and run and touch the sun. That little kid who rolled in mud and looked at mother with the naughty nose-cringing expression; who climbs the bed like a rockstar and imitates songs or dialogues of movies; who drools over childhood crushes shouting "He's mine!" and all shenanigans we did in our kid times. It's time to relive those days...

So, get up and start imitating a child to feel that missing joy in your life.

Dealing with feelings.

Every sentence tells a story ... “I am feeling sad today. I am anxious because of my boss. I fear some loss today… and many more”. We have heard this at all times from our near and far ones. Sometimes, we respond and other times we ignore. The day I chose to respond, I got a story and this time not a fake one but the real one. An experience which the client was willing to share at his own will. The reason could be any. Either he/she was tired of carrying the burden and wanted to shed it off to live happily or out of remorse. Whatever the reason may be… It helped in most of the cases. Few words of caution here! Some people will not change and if you advise (which I never do), it would be a waste of words and time both. As a counsellor, mentor, teacher, we all go through the experience of emotions and feelings as we empathise, we listen and we respond. But we too need a way out and mainly for two reasons: Firstly, to avoid our own emotional burnout (after all I am a human being too) and secondly to make sense of all the conundrums happening in the surroundings to have a better understanding of the social structure that exists today. On second thoughts, the most important reason of starting this blog is not to brag about how much I work and help people, but to ensure that if you read it and find something similar happening around you, act and react to it to help yourself or others.

Dealing with feelings is very important for each one of us and the day we are capable of identifying it correctly, you have reduced half my job… L.

Writing for me works as a therapy, a kinaesthetic way of catharsis. Yes! That’s how I have named it. And I will go short this time not because  I am at loss of words but my intention is to bring you back here again to read more….